5 Things I Remembered About My Husband

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1. He Has Shpilkes.
What? You don’t know Yiddish? Don’t worry; I’ll help you. The dictionary defines “shpilkes” as sitting on pins and needles. Well, that doesn’t really capture it, does it? When you say someone “has shpilkes,” it implies that person has a nervous energy, an impatience. Simply put: Hubby can’t sit still.

While I slept late on morning two of our vacation, Hubby got up and rented a truck. His goal? Transport two humongous palm trees to The Happy House. But that’s not all. He dug two huge holes, added soil, and rolled the huge trees into our backyard.

Then he mulched and watered.

Then he golfed 36-holes.

Thirty-six.

After that, he bought a mountain bike and went zipping through unfamiliar terrain. When he came home – in the dark — he showed me his ripped up his legs.

“The trails are awesome!” he gushed. “But I should probably get a helmet. And a headlamp.”

During vacation, Hubby burned 8,673,412 calories.

I burned 17.

2. He’s Losing His Hearing.
Apparently, I’ve started speaking at a decibel that only dogs can appreciate.

3. He Snores.
At home, I’ve got ear-plugs. But I forgot to bring them to The Happy House. Let’s just say, that’s been rectified. They’re there now.

Screen shot 2013-04-26 at 2.07.05 PM

Thank goodness for these!

4. He Relaxes. Eventually.
It takes my man a bit of time to switch from work mode to relaxation mode. On our last day, after he’d watered his new trees, unplugged all the electronics, turned down the hot water heater, and adjusted the air conditioner to AUTO, he gathered up all our garbage and drove it to some gas station where he filled up the gas tank of our rental car.

When he got back, Hubby brought his breakfast outdoors to the lanai. Putting his feet up on a wicker table, he shoveled spoonfuls of granola and yogurt into his mouth.

“Look at those palm trees,” he said, admiring his handiwork. “Now it looks tropical down here.”

{you know, as opposed to before, when we could only admire the stand of palm trees on the far side of the man-made pond.}

“Did you have a good time?” Hubby asked.

I nodded.

Because how could we not have a good time? The Happy House was made possible by my husband’s hard work. Hubby is a worker bee and, truth be told, he’s happiest when he’s busy. He works hard, so he sleeps hard. He thinks the beach is boring. Plus, he’s practically an albino, so even SPF 1000 doesn’t quite do the job. And nobody likes a sunburn.

But you know what?

5. He’s that guy.
After all these years, he still carries my suitcase to the car. He holds my boarding pass and watches my bag when I have to pee. He’ll buy the curtain rod, and then return it because his crazy wife decided it wasn’t right, and then he’ll go back and buy it again because his crazy wife screwed up and, yes, that first curtain rod was right after all.

When she was pining to leave Oz and return to Kansas, Dorothy Gale closed her eyes and said: “There’s no place like home.”

How many people are lucky enough to have two places that hold their heart?

And how many girls are lucky enough to know home is wherever we are, as long as I’ve got my ear plugs we’re together?

What little things drive you bonkers about your partner? What things do you love the most?

tweet me @rasjacobson

Happy anniversary, Hubby. Eighteen years. You knows I loves you. Do you think we can get stock in ear plugs? Is that a thing? If so, maybe we should look into that.

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69 responses to “5 Things I Remembered About My Husband

  1. Great post. Glad you aren’t my wife writing about me!

  2. Shpilkes. I like it. One of my grandmothers had an expression that loosely translates to about the same concept. I’m not sure whether it’s Irish or Southern.

    Pink ear plugs, especially for women. That’s fascinating!

    You are indeed one lucky girl!

  3. I think I’ve just found my Mister’s long lost twin. Does he spit toothpaste all over the sink and offer help to EVERYONE HE’S EVER MET like my guy?

  4. Happy Anniversary, Renee!! That’s quite a long time to put up, I mean live in joyful bliss with, someone. ;)

    My guy is OCD, so it takes us forever to get out of the house, because he has to check EVERYTHING. Seriously, everything. It drives me bonkers. However, he is still the man who will always stop at Dunkin Donuts if he’s out to get me a latte, or drive anywhere I want if I start craving a certain type of food for dinner. He also has no problem cooking dinner for the kids on the fly if I need to run errands or go out with the girls one night. He’s one of the good ones.

  5. Renee, I think you are mistaken. You are in fact talking about MY husband!!! To the T!!! I hadn’t noticed that he had escaped to The Happy House with you! No wonder I couldn’t find him in our yard. :) Between my husband’s crazy work ethic and his ADD – there is no stopping him. I hate it when I am in mid sentence and he is already out the door on to the next task. I have to follow him all around the house just to finish a sentence! But, like yours, he’s a great guy! Happy Anniversary! xo

    • Hahaha! Maria! It’s so funny that so many if us writer types seem to have gravitated to a similar type of man. Or maybe men are from Mars & women really are from Venus. Or something. Either way, I’m happy to share my hubby with you.

  6. Sometimes I’d love to be that guy that has shpilkes, that says “hey I’m gonna go mountain biking for 100 miles” or whatever the flight of fancy is for the day. I know guys like that and am always envious of the drive. They just do cool, interesting stuff without really thinking about it too much. My oldest brother is like that, very adventurous. I’m too content to sit still sometimes.

  7. Spouse bashing? I’ll take no part in this, thank you very much. Congrats on the anniversary. 18 years is how long wife and I have been together so I know how looooong it is.

  8. Your man-iac sounds awesome, Renee.

    SO glad you have great company in your happy house.

  9. Happy Anniversary, Renee! We celebrated 18 years this year, too! What’s not to love about my guy? Patient, handsome, helpful, and a great dad. That more than offsets any niggling bad habits he might have (cough! cough!) My hubby is probably on the opposite spectrum of shpilkes, though – what’s Yiddish for “one who flies low on the radar screen”?

    • You just celebrated 18, too? Mazel tov! What did your faboo hubby want? Anything?

      • We don’t really get each other anything anymore – not that we don’t care, but it’s just more fun to go out to eat and have fun together. We’re saving up for a return trip to Italy for our 25th (or 20th if we can’t wait that long!) so we’ll look forward to that. As my grandma would have said, “he’s a keeper!”

  10. Awwww so sweet! Happy anniversary to you and your knight in shining armor…jousting with a palm tree.

  11. Nice piece. Happy Anniversary!

  12. I love this, Renée! My husband is soooo meticulous; it drives me crazy how long he takes to finish something. But when he’s done, it’s perfect. I stopped hanging pictures on the wall with him years ago for this reason. I now just point and say, “Somewhere here on this wall,” and I come back two hours later to find the picture perfectly hung.

    What I adore about him is his quirky sense of humor and his unflinching ethics. Not to mention that he’s still smokin’ hot in my book. I love hearing from other wives that they have found wonderful men in the world who make great husbands. Enjoy the Happy House!

  13. I’ve tried earplugs, Renee, but they fall out of my ears during the night. Fortunately, if I gently nudge her and tell her to quit snoring, she’ll turn off of her back, and that usually stops it.

  14. I hope I can always be “that guy” for my wife-only married for 7 months, but I look forward to every additional day spent!

  15. A terrific post, Renee. There is great love and affection in your words.

  16. Bachelor a long long time now so my partner is me. I am driving me nuts and on of these days I am getting a divorce !

  17. Happy Anniversary Renee and Hubby. Many more.

  18. I feel a kinship to your husband as I too require SPF 1000. Good man.

    Happy anniversary you two!

  19. My partner can appreciate the need for ear plugs at night. I am pretty sure he would tell you I snore louder than a jet engine at full power on takeoff!

    • Hi SuperMatt! So you snore, huh? There is something lovely and reassuring about the low-hum… right up until the 243rd snore. That’s when the “I’m-going-to have-to-kill-you-now” snore occurs. Generally around 3 am. That last snore can get a person killed.

      • I snore from the moment I fall asleep (usually about 5 minutes) until I start dreaming (which I don’t remember) at which point apparently I start whimpering in my sleep. Apparently I’m kinda like a noise machine….

  20. This is so sweet! I find that the things I love the most about my husband are also the things that drive me the most crazy, and it usually depends on my mood and stress level. He’s so reliable, and I love that. Except when I don’t. :)

    Happy anniversary!

  21. As far as husbands go, Rene, looks like you and I have the same model. My hubby works his ass off and enjoys every minute of it. And even though he’s got a few features on the blink, I’m keepin’ him!

  22. My husband likes to tease me by saying things incorrectly to bring out my inner grammar police. Apparently he finds it cute. He also counts silently in his head any time Whitney Houston’s version of “I Will Always Love You” or The Fugees version of “Killing Me Softly” comes on to see how long it takes for me to either change the station myself or demand he change the station. Of course he’s also the guy who sees my favorite sweets on sale and has to bring them home for me…..or will find a dish he thinks I’ll love and makes it for me.

  23. Ear plugs! I probably should have mentioned ear plugs in my wedding vows because I don’t know if things would have worked out without them! My husband is “that guy” too. Always thinking of me first. It’s so sweet. I hope my son turns out just like him (except for the snoring)!

  24. True love~no question! Happy Anniversary!

  25. 5. He’s that guy.
    After all these years, he still carries my suitcase to the car. He holds my boarding pass and watches my bag when I have to pee**

    Oooo, how sweet. I hope your hubby reads this!

    Mr. L is the same. We will be at the airport and I’ll be like, “Where’s my passport.” He rolls his eyes. Of course, he has it! Along with the boarding passes, luggage, and my purse! HAaa

    Xxxx

  26. Happy anniversary, you are a lucky woman. As am I by the way, I love that my hubby doesn’t snore, that he does chores I hate without mentioning and that he gets me coffee every single morning. He’s that guy to me :-)

  27. Very sweet! Happy anniversary! I’ve only been married about a third of how long you’ve been married, but I’m excited to get there one day. :-) My husband also likes to stay on the move. When we go to the beach, I’m the one wanting to plant myself in the sand and read a book or take a nap, and he’s the one wanting to swim and throw the Frisbee and jog down the shoreline…

  28. I loved it from the very beginning, as my step-father has always asked my kids if they have shpilkes!!!!

  29. You have a keeper, congratulations on 18 years of blissful togetherness. I will not even go into the minor annoyances of my dearly beloved, but he and your guy could certainly do that whole golf thing together.

  30. Awww…that was sweet. It’s great to not only love your husband, but like him a lot too.

  31. Your hubs is a keeper. And he sounds like my hubs. When we’re at our cottage in MI, he’s a bundle of energy. He has more home improvement projects going than he can possibly complete in a season, let alone one week. At home, we switch roles and I’m the project queen. The Happy House sounds like a heavenly place for you and your family. Hugs to you all!

  32. What a nice post! I’m sure he loved it. Bryan is that guy, too.

  33. That’s so lovely. Thanks for sharing. Almost made me feel like getting a man :)

  34. Renee, this THOROUGHLY cracked me up! What a frickin awesome husband you have…if you can catch him! ;)

    “What little things drive you bonkers about your partner? What things do you love the most?” Ooooo, it’s a very good thing that she doesn’t blog or read my posts and comments! Cuz here goes…

    Bonker-rama: She is the ultimate multitasker and her brain & mouth demonstrate it at 2,000 words per minute! Yet she does it in the most hilariously entertaining ways…especially when she ‘hits a hump’. She calls them “shiny objects” that easily distract her. She has the most funniest “startled” scream/yelp that makes me (the sadistic one) love to evoke them out of her! Then trying to find her way BACK to what she was doing, saying, thinking, going, telling, fixing, preparing, starting, ending, revamping….did I miss anything?….she FINALLY pauses for 10 seconds and asks me what was I saying/doing/thinking (all of those verbs above). And we begin laughing non-stop because I am SO entertained by it all. This happens at least a dozen times a day. :)

  35. Sounds a lot like mine… but I daren’t tell you what drives me bonkers about my hubby, cos not telling is one of the ways our marriage stays good! ;)

  36. I don’t even know how I got here (found this post/blog?) but I loved – absolutely loved reading about the obvious love, affection, and admiration you have for you husband!

    We’re celebrating 27 years together (four daughters and two poodles) and he’s still my rock and my knight in shining armor (khakis and polo shirts).

    Thanks for sharing.

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