You are currently browsing the category archive for the ‘Mash-Ups’ category.
Still no snow in Rochester, New York; nevertheless, it’s still pretty cool.
Wanna know what else is cool? The bloggers listed in my January 2012 Mash-Up. They are new. They are now. They are what’s goin’ on.
From the English Department
Julie Gardner gets the Best Blog of the Month Award because she discusses getting laid. It’s not what you think. It’s about grammar, you pervs.
KD Sullivan remembers her beloved teacher in “Dear Mr. Reichhert”
Deb Bryan recalls a teacher who believed in her before she knew to believe in herself in “Lessons from a Tiger Teacher”
Transitioning Mom‘s beautiful piece “Out of the Ashes, Beauty” applies mythology to every day life.
Trish Loye Elliott reminds aspiring writers to “Take Your Writing Seriously.”
From the Philosophy Department
Dances With Chaos wonders: “Do You Need a Degree to be a Good Teacher?”
Kristen Lamb asks “Can Critique Groups Cause More Harm Than Good?”
From the Math Department
The always hot hilarious Tyler Tarver answers the burning question: “When Will I ever Use Math in Real Life?” and takes on “President Obama’s Changes in Education.”
From the Home Economics Department
Frume Sarah gives us her Grandma Selma’s Crummy Chicken recipe. Made it. Loved it.
From the History Department
Gene Lempp weighs in with a Legend of The Stone Giant.
K.B.Owen writes about 19th Century Personal Enhancement Products. Can you say bust cream?
From the Art Department
The Cool Hunter introduced me to water-colorist Cate Parr – Fashion Illustrator. Oooh, pretty.
Love her watercolors!
From the Politial Science Department
In an interview at EduClaytion with ClayMorgan, Piper Bayard explains “How Latinas Can End Jihad.”
From the Science Department
Zach Sparer makes me consider the dismal state of our NASA program in “Rocket Pact.”
From the Technology Department
EllieAnn Soderstrom wrote about Trans Media and iBooks and so did Clay Morgan with his article The Five Year Engagement. It looks like books are really about to change.
From the Physical Education Department
Nina Badzin wonders How to Focus on Fitness Without Making our Kids Crazy.
El Farris discusses “Sandusky’s Effect on Coaches and Teachers.”
From the Music Department
Indie pop princess Ingrid Michaelson announced her upcoming tour. I’d love to see her in Toronto! Here is what Ingrid looks like these days:
Ingrid Michaelson
I heart Ingrid. What do you think? Can I pass for her?
Maybe I look more like Ingrid Michaelson's mother?
FYI: She totally does NOT have lenses in her glasses. So not fair.
From the Health Department
David N. Walker tells us to not to be afraid to ask for the neck protector the next time we find ourselves getting x-rays at the dentist in “Silent Enemy.”
From the Driver’s Education Department
Abby Has Issues swears: “I Can Drive 55.”
From the Teacher’s Lounge
Leanne Shirtliffe explains “Why Teachers Need to Laugh.” It is required reading. So.
From the Awesome-Sauce Department
- Tamara Out Loud’s “Pickle Kiss” is innocent. And yet so very naughty. Go and see. You know you want to. IYKWIM.
What awesome stuff has happened to you recently?
Tweet This Twit @rasjacobson
I feel like that woman who comes out of the bathroom with her skirt tucked into her pantyhose. Except it’s not in my panty hose, it’s in my underwear. Because I don’t wear pantyhose. Oh, and also, there is toilet paper on my feet. Because I forgot to wear shoes into the bathroom.
Seriously, that’s how embarrassed I am today.
I have been fortunate to receive some attention over the last 6 months.
You know, those sparkly invisible awards that you are supposed to put on your cyber-mantle?
Yeah, well, I didn’t.
Because I don’t have a cyber-mantle.
I don’t even have a cyber-fireplace.
So while I appreciated the awards, I didn’t do anything with them.
I sort of shoved them in a cyber-footlocker.
Which was actually very inconsiderate, and I feel like shitake mushrooms about this.
So I would like to thank a few people.
Waaaaay back in June 2011, Save Sprinkes from How Can I Complain gave me the Sweetest Blogger Award. Only I didn’t see this award until January 5, 2012. (How lame is that?) I just wrote Sprinkes a note letting her know how much I appreciated her recognition. Because I do. And I can’t believe I missed that blog post because Sprinkes is awesome. She hasnt posted in a while, but she was one of my very first subscribers, and I miss her.
I think for that award I was supposed to tell you 7 things about myself and suggest 7 other bloggers for you to read.
In September 2011, Jess Witkins from The Happiness Project sent me a Liebster award. What is a Liebster, you ask? I understand “liebster” is German for “dearest” — and so there is sweet Jess, trying to tell me that she considers me a dear friend. And what do I do? I shove her love in my cyber-footlocker. Nice, right? Four months later, I feel it, Jess. I do.
For that award I was supposed to link back to the person who nominated me and suggest 5 bloggers for folks to read.
Two people gave me the Versatile Blogger Award.
The first person to extend this kindness was Lorna Earl from Lorna’s Voice. A sociologist by training, Lorna started writing about her past when her future looked grim due to chronic illness. Her observations are keen, and I enjoy reading her posts.
The second person who found me versatile was Melissa Ridley Elmes from Cerridwen’s Cauldron. If Sarah Jessica Parker is my Celebrity Doppelganger (Ha ha. Yeah right!), then Melissa is my real life evil twin. She’s a teacher; I’m a teacher. She’s a painter; I’m a painter. She likes bad girls, I like bad boys. I’m telling you, it’s spooky!
For that award I think I was supposed to tell you 7 things you did not know about me and suggest 15 blogs for you to read.
Any math teachers out there?
I think I’m -21 facts and -47 recommended bloggers.
Do you see why I am hanging my head in shame?
Miranda Gargasz of Scattering Moments showed recently to tell me that she had nominated me for the Awesome Blog Content Award. I hadn’t even heard of that one before, so I had check it out. When I did, I saw that it had no rules.
Thank goodness. (I like Miranda so much for that!)
I thought I was going to have to go through the alphabet and choose a word or phrase to correspond with each letter and use that to describe myself.
I started planning:
A is for Astoundingly Average.
B is for Beyond Belated.
Somebody should throw me in the Blogosphere Slammer for lack of gratitude.
A day later, one of my favorite bloggers, Gigi, from Kludgy Mom wrote a post called 12 Bloggers to Watch in 2012, and I almost died. Because there I was, on her list with many of my most favorite bloggers. I kept wandering back to the computer and looking at Gigi’s post all day, just to see if it was still there. I also checked this post from my iPhone and my iPad, too. Finally, my husband suggested I print out the article and stick it in my Happiness File that always makes me feel better when I am freaking out about a failing student, or sobbing hysterically about being out of Kona coffee or worrying that my writing has turned to lumpy oatmeal.
Not that there is anything wrong with lumpy oatmeal.
In fact, some people prefer their oatmeal lumpy.
I’m just trying to make a point.
Later that same day — the same day, people! — I was reading a faboo blog post, by the faboo Julie C. Gardner – a woman whose writing makes me “Squeeee!” like a little piggy, I see that Julie has written about how good it feels to be home after doing all her cyber-traveling this last year. (She was a busy little beaver blogger is 2011, and she was taking a moment to kick back and enjoy her home page. And her home life.) At the bottom of her page, she expressed more gratitude, thanking all the folks who had hosted her at their pages this year.
And she listed me.
Which felt like I had won an award.
While simultaneously making me feel like a dooj.
I mean, duh!
I should have totally done that.
And because I am a copy-cat great believer in the adage “Better Late Than Never,” I would like to thank the following writers for making my blog a richer place this year. My fryber Clay Morgan of EduClaytion continues to be a source of support and inspiration as does Leanne “Shirtsleeves” Shirtliffe of Ironic Mom.
The folks who posted for TWITS (Teachers Who I Think Scored/Teachers Who I Think Sucked) provided something special to unify my blog. Some people opted to glorify teachers while others remembered lousy teachers and opted to kick them in the pants. Either way, the variety of voices worked. So special thanks to the following writers. If you have never heard of these people, please consider giving them a looksie.
Steven Hess *
Penny Thoyts *
Life & Times of a Self-Proclaimed Saucy Bitch
*non-bloggers
I hope you will accept my belated gratitude.
I will try to be less sucky in 2012.
Or, in the very least, keep my skirt out of my underpants. 
So what should my penance be?
It was my 44th birthday yesterday. If you were paying attention, you learned about Scorpios.
I have to say, I don’t feel a day over 20. Seriously. If I lived in the land of anti-reflective surfaces, I am pretty sure that I could believe that I was the same spring chicken I was decades ago. (Stupid mirrors.)
In honor of all Scorpios everywhere, I’m playing head-banging heavy metal from the Scorpions. Guaranteed to wake you up before you go-go. And check out these bloggers because, like the Scorpions, they’ll rock you like a hurricane.
(But not like a real life hurricane because that is no kind of fun. Just a metaphorical hurricane.)
From the English Department
Susie Lindau’s Anger, Fear or Joy? might make writers think about how we treat our loved ones when we are on a writing spree.
Jami Gold asks How Do You Celebrate? when you have finished writing the first draft of a book. Right now, I can only dare to dream that moment, but the idea of this post carries over into other areas. How do you celebrate when you have reached a goal. Do you allow yourself to experience joy? Or do you jump right into the next project?
From the Math Department
From Wild About Math I have Happy 11/11/11 Day! Seriously, I have no idea what this man is talking about. When I listen to him talk, I feel so English Teacher-ishy. And I totally meant to have my class look at the clock at 11:11 on 11/11. Except I forgot. Oh well, there’s always next year on 12/12 at 12:12.
From the Science Department
David Dobbs debunks The Slut Gene.
From the History Department
Kathy Owen shares the history of Thanksgivings Past from the New York Times.
Ellie Ann Soderstrom has a sobering report on The Top 10 Baddies of The World.
From the Physical Education Department
Why Parents Must Speak of Unspeakable Things by Chase McFadden speaks of the atrocities which occurred to children at the hands of their coach. It will break your heart.
From the Political Science Department
Piper Bayard’s Political and Corporate Phrase Book is a must read when it comes to some of the things politicians are actually quoted as actually saying out loud.
Jenny Hansen interviews Piper Bayard and Kristen Lamb about their 2012 Worldwide Blog Tour Kickoff and their run for President and Vice President in a campaign where everyone — even Canadians and pets — can vote!
From the Religious Studies Department
Galit Breen is trying something new in Our Jewish Family Is Celebrating Christmas This Year.
From the Art Department
Artist Mary Mollica’s Not To Be Trashed features a memory of a favorite art teacher.
From the Theater Department
Gigi from Kludgy Mom writes about How to Help Your Child Overcome Stage Fright — which is really about how to parent when your child doesn’t naturally do the things that come so easily to you.
In Come Again?, Clay Morgan has Paul Johnson (aka: The Good Greatsby) at his place to discuss how to screw with nosy passers-by. If this isn’t theater, I don’t know what is.
From Home Economics
Georgette Sullins’ There are Vegans in the Family is about how to do Thanksgiving while meeting everyone’s dietary needs.
Annie from Six-Ring Circus tracks her family’s Post-Halloween Candy Consumption.
Jessica Buttram has a guest blogger at her place. Alise Wright’s It Ain’t Pretty is about putting together a rag doll with her daughter — at the last minute.
From the Parenting Department
Leanne Shirtliffe has her daughter on a Scavenger Hunt in the Dictionary!
From the Awesome-Sauce Department
WARNING: Absolutely, positively NOT for children’s ears.
CLICK HERE for The Hilarious Video: Siri Argument
What rocked you this week?
Wanna see something awesome? Okay, so see this picture below? This is a picture of this thing that is in my classroom this year. It is a representation of this way cool gizmo that I have that integrates a camera, an overhead projection system, a computer with Internet access, a DVD player, or any other auxiliary source I might want to plug into — like an iPod or a laptop or… an 8-track cassette. (Ha ha, that’s funny. But seriously. If I wanted to. I could do it.)
This is in my classroom!
Wanna know what else is cool? The bloggers listed below in my November Mash-Up. They are new. They are now. They are what’s goin’ on.
From the English Department
TheGoodGreatsby is hilarious with his Take a Sip Punctuation. Because we really do need something to indicate a written paraprosdokian. Duh.
Kristen Lamb tells us how to plant the right seed and keep ourselves focused by writing a great logline.
KLamb also reminds newbie writers that a plot doesn’t have to be complicated to be good in Getting Primal and Staying Simple.
From the Sign Language Department
When TamaraOutLoud lost her voice, her family turned her silence into a game in Don’t Say Anything If...
From the Meth Department
Psyche. I said “meth” not math. EllieAnn Soderstrom delivers an awesome satire on Why Meth Dealers are the Best Boyfriends. Hilarious. And no math involved.
From the Home Economics Department
Julie C. Gardner gives validation to all writers in her piece Today Call me Half-Assed. Clearly, Julie understands that when folks are focusing on their craft, something has got to give. And sometimes that something is the house.
Kelly K from Dances with Chaos is in the kitchen And she has a Top 10 List of Things a Newbie Cook Should Know.
Galit Breen from These Little Waves has a lovely piece that rolled in about the same time as soup weather. Her post, My Kids Hate Matzo Ball Soup, comes complete with a fabulous recipe.
From the History Department
Gene Lempp weighs in with his Zoo Arcane - Evil Little People where he explores malicious dwarves from Africa and Southeast Asia. Creepy and brilliant all rolled into one.
Piper Bayard tells us everything we never knew about Josephine Baker in She Wasn’t Really Naked: Dancer, Singer, Spy
Jami Gold explores the ongoing controversy about whether folks should consider e-publishers vs. agents
From the Physical Education Department
Annie from Six Ring Circus shows us her Slam Dunk. Thus proving, once again, mommy’s got game.
From the Art Department
Mary Mollica can turn chicken shit into chicken cordon bleu. She’s magic, I’m telling you. Check out what she does with an old table she found at the curb in How About a Game of Checkers?
Mark Kaplowitz wrote My First Grade Teacher Must Have Had Stock In Crayola — so, it is a post on unintentional art.
From the Music Department
Steve from Brown Road Chronicles wrote a romantic song for his wife to celebrate their anniversary. I want As Long As You’re With Me on my iPod. You know, so I can cry in my car.
From the Awesome Department
Do I have the best neighbor or what?
My neighbor Teri bought me this shirt. Don’t you all wish you had neighbors who did stuff like that?
Also, I was Freshly Pressed this week! Whoo Hoo! If you missed how my 12-year old son no longer wants to be called a certain name on zee bloggie, check out Monkey Has Left the Building.
Being Freshly Pressed is always a wonderful surprise, and it brings such tremendous gratitude. I would like to welcome my many new subscribers. *waves hi* I hope you like what you see here and that you will participate in the conversation. I do my best to visit people who comment. And I always comment back.
Finally, I should also mention that it is Veterans Day today — at least in the United States of America. We, in our higher institutions of learning, do not have the day off from school — but my son does. So on behalf of all the awesome Veterans who have selflessly (and repeatedly) served our country, please know our flag is flying in your honor. I know it is difficult to come back home after being away, so I am wishing awesome things for each and every one of you.
What awesome stuff has happened to you recently?
Tweet This Twit @rasjacobson
We are always searching for the next big thing: the good stuff. Back in the 1970s when early talk-show host, Mike Douglas, was around, he really had an eye for the next big thing. He knew how to give us a piece of the action. Just look at Thor here. He’s positively thrilling. I mean, he can blow up a hot water bottle until it explodes! Is that hot, or what?
In an effort to try to bring you a piece of the action, I thought I’d bring you some yummy morsels of goodness that I’ve read this month. Feel free to check out something that tickles your fancy.
From the Publishing & Social Media Department
Catie Rhodes has fabulous suggestions for Internet travelers in Catie’s Social Media Do’s & Dont’s.
Jane Friedman hosted Kristen Lamb this week with 3 Blunders That Can Kill Your Author Platform.
Kristen Lamb shows us the wonky part of publishing as she tries to convince us Numbers Are Our Friends – Writers and the Wild World of Metrics.
From the Writing Department
Nobody likes a cheater, and Jami Gold explores How Bad is Plagiarism? and its damaging repercussions.
From the English Department
Carol Brown sent me a link to The Twenty Best Books for Language Lovers. It’s a pretty dang good list.
From the Math Department
I don’t understand this at all, but my 12-year-old son did. From WildABoutMath A Great Triangle Exploration.
From the Science Department
From ScienceBlog Gratitude as an Antidote to Aggression. Anything that helps folks be a little more civilized to each other is worth a try.
From the Art Department
Carl D’Agostino is a cartoonist whose stuff ranges from satirical to political to naughty.
From the Political Science Department
Piper Bayard brings us Bayard/Lamb 2012 – Because Blonde is the New Black. So snarky that it just might work.
From the History Department
Kathy Owen makes me want to put on a hoop skirt in the history of Ice Skating in Central Park.
Gene Lempp writes about the History of the Ancient Silk Route. I wish he was teaching my son social studies.
From the Pop Culture Department
Clay Morgan writes about 10 Television Characters I’ve Wished I Could Be. I so wanted to be Jamie Somers, The Bionic Woman.
From the Contest Department
Julie from go Guilty Pleasures is having a Vlog contest. If you want to enter you have until midnight. She’ll tell you all about it HERE. You can try, but I’m telling you I have it locked and loaded. Just sayin’.
From the Products Department
Kathy Owen shows us what we can purchase to embrace our inner nerd in Get Your Geek On!
From the Just Plain Funny Parenting Moments Department
Steve at Brown Road Chronicles has a discussion with his son about Skim vs. Fat-Free Milk.
News From the Department Chair
Chrystal from The Spirit Within had the highest percentage of votes in my “What the Heck Does Castanurgle Mean?” poll. Part of her cyber-swag package involves this beautiful new car. And by new car I mean, I’m giving you a link to her blog, which is lovely. I’m also decorating her invisible mantle (you know, the one where she keeps all her invisible blogging awards) with an autumnal theme. Isn’t it pretty? Congratulations Chrystal!
Before you head off to get “a piece of the action,” here’s a picture of me when I last performed Muscle Rock with Thor at Aladdin’s Hotel in 2005. I guess I was looking for a little satisfaction. Or my hot water bottle.
- I’m Thor’s sister. Can you tell me where to find a piece of the action?
What are your Halloween plans? Anybody going like Thor?
Image via Wikipedia
Some things are just good. Plain and simple.
This was a good week for me.
The Jewish New Year began.
And that is good.
I ate a lot of apples dipped in honey.
And that was sweet.
And there was a lot of sweet writing out there in el Blogospherio.
(Did you see how I brought that around?)
On the Light Side:
Julie from Go Guilty Pleasures is running a fun contest where people have 30 seconds to Vlog about a guilty pleasure.
As you know, I am very introverted so I am uncomfortable sharing mine. I’m pretty sure that 97.4% of my regular readers can guess what my guilty pleasure is before you even click.
The contest runs until October 22nd, and Julie says there is a prize. I plan to win, but you can enter if you want to. 
Tamara Lunardo‘s little piece of snark Please Stop Just Sayin’ is worth reading because it is fabulous — but to fully enjoy the piece, you actually have to keep going and read all the comments because they are positively divine. Like totes. El oh el. Just Sayin’.
Chase McFadden wrote a piece for Aiming Low called “Elementary School Pictures: Yes, You’re Supposed To Look Like a Dope.” It’s beyond funny. SPOILER ALERT: There is no picture. I will keep hoping for a follow-up. And this reminds me. My boy’s school picture day is probably coming up. I’d better have a looksie at ye olde school calendar.
Going Deeper:
The ever-scintillating Piper Bayard wrote a hilarious but simultaneously poignant piece called “Okay, I’ll do it. I’ll run for President.” I am totally ready to vote for her. I believe in her platform. As long as she eventually tells me if she is for or against platform shoes. This could be a deal-breaker.
Chrissy wrote a piece called “Grateful” that should be anthologized. If you have traveled a long distance only to land in a really bad motel — especially when you expected something entirely different , this is the piece for you. It will split your heart open. This essay was a guest post hosted by Deb Bryan — who has a fabulous Friday Series called For This I am Grateful. You can usually find Chrissy at silverfinofhope.
Amanda Williams‘ piece “Everyone You Meet” explores the story of how Amanda was the recipient of some hateful glares when her children started behaving badly at a restaurant. The piece made me think about how many times I have watched that same scene that Amanda described and how different people react. Amanda reminds us gently that we could all do with being a little more patient with each other. You can find Amanda at Life. Edited.
On the Writing Front:
Kristen Lamb wrote a boatload of great stuff this week, thus proving once again that she is part cyborg. (Seriously, when does this woman sleep?) In The Doctor is in the House–Novel Diagnostics KL helps writers make sure they don’t make newbie mistakes. Also, she wrote “Meet The Maven: We’re Here Whether You Want Us Or Not” which is a great take on the folks on Twitter who can really help you out when you are feeling like a twit.
A Ridiculous Video That Brings Me Joy:
If you are unfamiliar with The Annoying Orange series, all I can say is where have you been? Seriously, they are extremely addictive. And with all the apple activity that I had this week… well, just enjoy it. If you can make it through the advertisement, it’s worth a good giggle.
Monkey is fencing this weekend. So we will be en garde.
What have you read that was delicious?
When I was young, I loved the Lawrence Welk Show. I know. I am a dork. But, seriously, I wished I could be one of the women in the floofy dresses because each week Lawrence would wiggle his finger and select one of them to dance with him in the spotlight at the end of his show. So, I swooned for Lawrence Welk. What of it?
Anyway, since I never got to dance with him, I’ve decided to become Lawrence Welk, put on my orange suit, and pull some people into the spotlight. I hope you’ll check out a few of the amazing posts that showed up this week.
First, Piper Bayard posted a great piece called “The Power of a Swift Kick” about a wonderful teacher in her life who kept her out of the double-wide and prevented her from being the mommy to four baby-daddies.
Leonore at As A Linguist wrote a beautiful piece entitled “The Tween Students” about how difficult it is to read college diagnostic essay tests and interpret what the results might mean. Boy, could I relate to that one.
Steve at Brown Road Chronicles wrote a phenomenal piece called “The Meaning of Life” where an anxious writer puts in a call to figure out if he is “worthy” of moving up to the next level with his writing.
Jessica Buttram‘s “Drive-By Blogger” got me thinking about the folks in chain-gangs — and about my own sins.
Chase McFadden had me laughing as his children were, once again, doing something hilarious with rocks in his post “The Von Trapp Children Wash Rocks”.
I fell in love with Abby Has Issues a little this week. She had me at “Being Punctual” where she discusses the overuse of air quotation marks and frets over other punctuation that don’t seem to get anywhere near as much attention.
Finally, it would be selfish of me not to report that MomComm is having a contest to win a blog critique. You have to go to her place for the details. Just so you know, I plan to win.
And now, until we meet again… Adios. Au revoir. Auf Wiedersehen.
What color dress are you wearing today? And why should I pick you to dance? And is it just me or did Lawrence like his baton a little too much?
This is the fun part of the show where I get to tell you about some great reads that you might have missed this week. As usual, I try to get one from the chicks and one from the dudes. This week, I even have one a hilarious video clip. Totally worth the 1 minute and 47 seconds. Trust me.
From the Chicks: Girl on the Contrary is convinced that Steven Spielberg hates her. She notes that in the next several years, he is slated to produce six movies or TV shows which feature (*I’m spelling it so as not to scare GOTC*) a-l-i-e-n-s. And Girl is terrified of that word I just spelled. Like pee in your pants scared. So she wrote Spielberg a hilarious deathly serious letter asking him to please stop with the…you-know-whats already.
From the Dudes: Ross Logaz from Offensively Opinionated wrote a piece called “The Road Oft Traveled” where he discusses the idea of rebellion. He starts with Robert Frost, you know, the poet who encouraged folks to take the road less taken back in 1920, and he ends up telling us to screw Robert Frost and find our own damn roads. Be forewarned, Ross swears like a mean ole truck driver (or someone with Turret’s Syndrome), but seeing how many people live in fear of doing their own thing, I can only say he had to, especially to deliver this message. You know, in an attempt to kind of shake people out of their comfort zones. I don’t know, I dug it.
One Hilarious Public Service Announcement I Wish I had Seen in ‘Reel’ Life: Apparently, people have finally had enough of folks texting and talking on cell phones while at the movies. One particular movie theater in Texas has rather strict policy about it, and they will kick your booty out the door for doing it. No refund. The brilliant folks at the Alamo Drafthouse Theater in Austin, Texas turned an angry, anonymous phone call from an ignorant outraged customer into a hilarious Public Service Announcement. To. Die. For. I wonder if she gets it.
Are you ready for summer? How many pairs of flip flops do you own? Tell me about your favorite footwear for summer.
This is the fun part of the show where I get to tell you about some great reads that you might have missed this week. As usual, I try to get one from the chicks and one from the dudes. This week, I even have one from “The Queen.”
From The Ladies: Abby Has Issues is a hilarious blog by Abby Heugel. This week she wrote a piece called My Marriage Proposal that had me considering the concept of a Sister Wife. I decided I really wanted Abby to move in with me – and my husband. Why? Because Abby has decided she would like to be a Consolation Prize Wife, which is not to be confused with a Trophy Wife. Abby’s totally cool with being a consolation prize, and she gives a lot of convincing reasons why you should be too. Let’s just say, she had me at Swiffer Wet Jet.
• • •
From the Dudes: Paul Waters has a very funny post for all you little history buffs in the house. Or for folks who like naughty words that aren’t supposed to be naughty but they totally are. Poor Bastards. His piece is called “Are You SURE You Want To Take His Name When You Get Married?” I can’t say more without ruining the funny. Paul is one of the very first people I met when I landed here in the Blogosphere, and I have been enjoying his writing for a year now. It’s time to stop hogging him to myself. Read more of Paul’s stuff at Blackwatertown.
• • •
From The Queen: If you haven’t yet been introduced to Kristen Lamb’s fabulous blog Warrior Writers, today is your lucky day! Thank goodness for premature button pushing! This week Kristen Lamb, author of We Are Not Alone: The Writer’s Guide to Social Media and Are You There, Blog? It’s Me, Writer accidentally released one of her dazzlingly gorgeous pieces of brilliance a little earlier than expected. Let’s just say, the unexpected bundle of joy entitled, “Sacred Cow-Tipping: Why Writers Blogging About Writing is Bad” was received with much head-nodding and agreement that her spawn is, indeed, breathtaking. KL’s post explains why writers should not create blogs that are exclusively dedicated to writing about writing.
I am so glad I did not make the mistake about writing about writing. But I almost did. A teacher for 20 years, when I decided to start blogging, I figured I’d write about writing. My son (age 10 at the time) rolled his eyes and said, “Mom, that’s so boring. You don’t have to always be the teacher. You can also be the dumb one.” And he was right. I have so many stories where I am the Chief Twit-in-Residence, so instead of always having to be Mrs. Smarty-Pants, I can also be the wisenheimer. So instead of being locked in to talking about commas and semi-colons, I left room for options. Which is one of Kristen’s points. They don’t call her “The Queen” for nothing. (Well, they don’t. But I do.)
Before you check out these amazing writers, can you explain what’s up with that cat?
Tweet this Twit @rasjacobson
I’m Lying About How We Met
July 31, 2011 in Mash-Ups, School's Out For Summer | Tags: a response to my 200th post, Becky O'Connor, Blackwatertown, Bratislava, Christian Emmett, Clay Watkins, Deborah the Closet Monster, E. Rumsey, EduClaytion, Ermigal, fiction, fun interaction with people who comment, Harvard Medical School, JM Randolph, Kasey Matthews, Keenie Beanie, Larry Hehn, Leanne Shirtliffe, LEGO, Limr, Mama Sauce, PauseandSmile, Ray Colon, Redheadstepmom, Ricky Anderson, SaveSprinkles1234_, Soviet Union, suchmeagerinsight, Val Erde, Writerwoman61 | 43 comments
To celebrate my 200th post the other day, I told people if they commented, I would create a new post explaining how we met. Of course, I explained, all the content would be a lie. (Especially since I don’t know most of the people who post on my blog.) So here it is: a piece of fiction to include everyone one of you who was brave enough to leave a comment. I hope you enjoy this brief digression, where I veered off-course — away from parenting and education — and went straight to fiction.
I would like to encourage people to click the highlighted names to see the work of any bloggers with whom you might not be familiar. In addition to being my cyber-friends, these people are truly great writers.
• • •
Blackwatertown and I met on a chilly day in Bratislava as we fled hand-in-hand across an icy river. We’d had to spend an uncomfortable night hiding in a chicken coop because we couldn’t find a proper hotel. Covered in feathers and fowl feces, we carefully made our way across the creaky ice. I am forever grateful that he was wiling to share his single mitten.
Mitten made by Marit Kullisade
Betsy W. and I met during our stint at Harvard Medical School at that cool bar where we stayed up late discussing the scaphoid, the lunate and the triquetrium. We bonded over our devotion to the fourteen phalanges.
Finger bones
I met Chrystal at a high-end mattress store in Savannah, Georgia where she insisted I bounce up and down at least 16 times on the Sealy to make sure the Posturepedic was really what I wanted. Of course she was right: the pillow top was too soft.
Savannah, GA
I met Ricky Anderson in 3rd grade after Chuck E. punched him in the nose on the playground. While the blood poured from his nostrils, I went in search of toilet paper to stop the oozing gush.
SaveSprinkles1234 and I met during the intermission of a really boring orchestra concert. We laughed as we met in the lobby and decided to grab a quick cup of chai and talk about the poor performance. Outside in the chilly air, Sprinkles found a cardboard box filled with abandoned kittens and insisted that she would take them all home and raise them up — and that’s exactly what she did.
Box-o-kitties
Larisa and I met while we worked briefly as U.S. spies in the former Soviet Union. We were crammed inside a tiny airplane, trying to sneak into Tajikistan — under the radar, you might say. I’m probably not supposed to say that we were spies. I’m sorry, Larisa. I hope you are not a spy anymore. If you are, I have just put you into terrible danger.
Pauseandsmile and I in met at Bed, Bath & Beyond. She was clenching some fancy velvet covered hangers and told me they were well worth the investment.
I met Teri when a lost buzzard accidentally smashed against the front glass windows of her house. The ugly bird was decidedly dead, but Teri made me perform mouth-to-mouth resuscitation, just to be sure. It was very traumatic for everyone involved. Especially the dead buzzard, as it was early in the morning and I had not yet brushed my teeth.
Dead Buzzard by tigmund2000 @ flickr.com
While going through an odd stage in my life where I wanted to cover everything in platinum, I met E. Rumsey who helped me understand that while platinum is precious, it is not a good idea to try and cover one’s friends in the substance.
I met Amie the same day I met isrbrown. It was a warm spring morning and I had been churning butter at one of those old-fashioned country museums, talking about how everything was better in the good ole days when Amie picked up a brush began painting a fantastic mural on the floor and isrbrown sat down in a rocker and started knitting a cap. We churned and painted and knitted for hours until the good people from the museum brought us proper costumes — pretty dresses with fitted bodices and bonnets for our heads — so as to better fit in. Though we remain bitter that the museum people did not pay us for the work we did that day, we did enjoy playing dress-up.
JM Randolph was wandering around downtown SoHo smoking a cigar when some rogue ashes accidentally caught the sleeve of her shirt on fire. Hearing her screams, I pulled my ’75 Plymouth Volaré to the curb and drove her to the nearest hospital. Alas, JM proved to be extremely non-compliant and began scratching the nurses who were trying to help her. In an act of desperation, the doctors declawed her. Tragically, they removed every fingernail on JM’s right hand which is why she always wears one long white glove.
One day I was out pruning the rose bushes when I decided that I was going to give the most perfect bloom to the first person I saw passing by. And who do you think was the first person to roll by on her bike? Keenie Beanie! Okay, so I might have looked a little
funnyscary chasing after her with my sharp gardening shears. In fact, now that I think about it, this could help explain why she was pedaling away with so much enthusiasm, but I did eventually catch up to her and ask her if she would accept my rose. She said she would take it. If I promised not to hurt her.D’alta and MamaSauce got into it in 7th grade. The two best gymnasts in the class, they would not stop arguing over who could make more passes on the balance beam without falling off. They had been carefully walking for over three hours without showing any signs of slowing when Marshall came over from the boys’ side and pushed them off in one fell swoop — and that was the end of that.
Jean, Lisa and I shared a chisel as we tried to escape from after school detention. Looking back at it now, we should have chosen a quieter method.
Kasey went through a science stage where she liked to experiment with different chemicals. One day while I was at her house, she told he to lie down on the couch while she put a cloth over my nose and mouth. A short while later I awoke, slightly disoriented, and asked what had happened. She simply answered: “Well, I guess we know what Chloroform does.”
Deborah the Closet Monster and I met while working as dishwashers in a fast-food restaurant in 1985. Deb refused to wash dishes and mumbled continuously about “dish-soap mermaids.” Finally, Kathy – the manager — stepped in and told Deb that she needed to pull her weight or she’d be fired. In a single act of defiance, Deb tipped over a bucket of filthy mop-water, destroying Kathy’s pink legwarmers. We all laugh about it now. Right, you two?
One day, I zigged when I should have zagged and I accidentally ended up in the men’s room of a rather swanky restaurant. Thing is, I didn’t realize I was in the men’s room until I came out of the stall and saw someone… you know… standing there. I froze. My feet simply refused to turn back or go forward. Thank goodness Clay was such a good sport about the whole thing. After we washed our hands at the sinks, we left the bathroom together and had a good laugh about it. I never thought I’d ever see him again — but he turned out to be the beekeeper from whom we purchase our fresh honey. Small world, huh?
I met writerwoman61 at a Farmer’s Market while on vacation. She taught me how to select the freshest cucumbers and told me which vendors had the freshest goods. She also told me I should always buy cucumbers in threes. So I do.
Fresh cukes.
At one point, I entered myself in a LEGO building contest to see who could create the best creation. Hundreds of people were there, but Ray Colon stood to my left and Limr stood to my right. We each had 10 minutes to sketch and one hour to build. Limr created an amazing dragon with huge wings. Ray crafted a vehicle that morphed into a really tall tower. I made an emu that carried a jewel of enchantment on his back. We all lost.
Christian Emmett and I met at a rock concert. I can’t remember the name of the band because it was that long ago, but at some point someone started passing around a joint. I could not have been older than 14 years old, but I was terrified. I didn’t want any. I looked at my friends, who were all partaking. I didn’t know what to do. Christian, a complete stranger, saw my fear and simply took the reefer out of my hand and passed it to the person sitting to his immediate right. We played footsies for the rest of the show.
Having just ended a terrible relationship, suchmeagerinsight and I found ourselves alone in Cancun, Mexico. It was a balmy evening when she started eating the entire contents of a large glass container filled with maraschino cherries while lying in her white-netted hammock. What she didn’t realize was that the cherries had been packed in liquor and she got mad-drunk on cherry juice champagne. I spent hours holding my new friend’s hair as she vomited into the toilet. People generally bond over things like that.
Larry Hehn, Becky O’Connor and I met on a Greyhound bus headed north to Massachusetts. Becky planned to see Salem to learn more about the witch trials; Larry wanted to go to Trinity Church, and I wanted to go to Fenway Park to catch a Red Sawx game. Alas, our bus overheated in Pine Bluff, Arkansas and — after waiting 17 hours for another bus to show up in sweltering summer temperatures — we decided to Rent-a-Lemon for $38 and drive the rest of the way together. We never made it. But we had a great time at Busch Gardens Amusement Park in Virgina.
After seeing Bo Derek in the movie 10, I decided to try the whole “corn-row braids thing.” After a few weeks, I realized I’d made a terrible mistake and, as I sat in on a bench the local mall crying my eyes out, Ermigal sat down next to me. I told her how I regretted my decision while she licked her vanilla & chocolate swirl ice cream cone with rainbow sprinkles, and by the time she had finished her frozen treat, she selflessly offered to help me take out each and every bead and braid. It took 4 hours, but she never complained.
Some of you may have heard about how Annie, redheadstepmom and I unintentionally stopped a robbery. Redheadstepmom had an itch on her elbow, so she set her tuba case down on the curb and, as the rapscallion tried to make his getaway on foot, he stumbled over her over-sized instrument. Annie and I heard people screaming, “Stop that thief!” so we tackled the guy, giving the police just enough time to arrive on the scene, arrest the villain, and recover the stolen loot.
Jodi and Faith and I met at a barbecue for some people none of us knew. As we waited for our hot-dogs to grill, we looked at the condiments and had an exhaustive conversation about different types of mustard. Since then, we always exchange Grey Poupon for the holidays.
One winter, Educlaytion and Leanne Shirtliffe were wearing white snowsuits and lying in the snow on a curb outside of Bowness Park just 7.5 miles outside of the city center of Calgary, Canada. The two had been looking at the patterns they saw in the clouds when I tripped and fell over their legs. As I apologized profusely, Leanne laughed hysterically but Clay was all “Whaaat?” We found a nearby coffee shop to defrost and talked about “action verbs” for hours.
I would expect Val Erde to remember that we first spoke at the base of Mount Etna. But the only reason we met there was because I stalked her! I had been told I simply had to make authentic Italian calamari, so when she purchased the last octopus at the fish market and put it on ice in a big cooler, I simply could not let her go. When she stopped for that hot-dog in Sicily, I tried to swap my inexpensive Kappa knock-off tee-shirt for her box-o-seafood. Of course, she caught me red-handed. Nevertheless, she graciously invited me to her beautiful apartment where we promptly burned the octopus and overcooked the pasta.
• • •
Thanks for helping me celebrate my 200th post with some fun fiction!
How’d I do? Let me know if I forgot any details. Or if you missed out on that post, feel free to remind me how we met!