Note: This blog was written the Sunday before the school year started.
My husband and my son have been on the driving range for an hour.
I know this because I have been spying on them from my car.
About twenty minutes ago, it started to rain, and I thought they would stop. But they didn’t. They kept on whacking dem balls, oblivious.
I never thought this day would come.
When my son was 9 months old and just starting to walk, my husband decided May would be a lovely time to get serious about the game of golf and join a local club.
I remember being furious and feeling completely abandoned. I’d imagined the two of us taking turns watching our teetering toddler as he endlessly padded down the tile floors. But then I became a golf widow, and I lost my husband.
I suppose, at the time, the golf course was a better lover. After all, she was beautiful, well-maintained, undulating, and brimming with splendor. All of that gorgeousness was in sharp opposition to the new-mommy me. When our son was 9 months old, sometimes I looked downright ragged; sometimes I was mean; some days, I didn’t shower, and I was cranky when my husband came home. I offered no new vistas. At home, every day was the same thing: Diapers, feedings, naps. Or – heaven forbid – no naps.
My husband promised that it would get easier, the parenting gig. And it has. Our 11-year-old son is easy-going, funny, eager to try new things. He is kind, loyal, open-minded, intuitive and imaginative.
And I just watched him whack a golf ball farther than I have ever managed to hit one. The ball flew long and straight, right over the flag.
So he is starting to golf.
It’s kind of cool. Something he can do with his dad.
Maybe one day they’ll go on a guy trip to some fabulous location together and bring their clubs. Talk about guy stuff.
Watching them enjoy themselves as the rain pours on their heads, I realize, it’s time to stop being pissy about the golf thing.
Because they enjoy it.
Even in the rain.
I don’t have to be part of everything. As long as I can meet up with them for dinner, I’m good.
tweet me @rasjacobson
As the mum of a 34 year old, I can reassure you that it is great if dad & son have a hobby to share. It means they will always have time together when they need to ‘talk about man things’! Don’t forget to ask for something in return though if they are spending loads of time away from you!
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What could be more thrilling than to watch your son and his father bond together in a sport. I hope it continues forever and ever.
My husband and son just won second place in the Parent/Child tournament at our local club and I have never been so proud! They have a great time and get to spend some private guy time together that just wouldn’t be the same if I was there. That being said, enjoy your mommy time. Take a bubble bath, watch some mindless television, shop for you, garden, whatever…but enjoy yourself! 🙂
Not having to be part of everything is so unselfish and wise. Besides golf is such a dumb game. You are not missing anything. Almost as bad as sitting in front of the TY and watching fast cars go round and round all day.
Such a dumb game! I swear, it might have been a deal breaker had hubby been playing when we met! 😉
I learned how to be a man from my father. It wasn’t golf, but it was just as good. It was machines. It didn’t matter what kind, planes trains automobiles, even motorcycles. And it was a good thing. I realize now that he has passed, he shared more wisdom while enjoying a hobby together than I ever did while he was in “Dad” mode.
I miss him.
My wife too has trouble “staying out of things” when I spend time with my daughter, but she has come to realize there are some things my daughter has to learn from me, Who would you want taking you to your first rock concert? Mr. Been-there-done that, or Mom?
We have a good thing; seems your son and his father do as well. Let it be, even if you think golf is stupid. It really is more than that.
Okay, I went to see Andy Gibb for my first concert in the 1970s with my girlfriends. It was awesome! So to answer THAT part of the question: I would want to take my son to his concert because I am the concert-mommy! Hubby would take him to some LAME jazz thing where people wouldn’t even scream or anything. In fact, I’m hoping to get boy to see James Taylor or Crosby, Stills & Nash . . . if they keep going strong.
But I get your point. They are bonding which is cool – no matter what the activity. And I wasn’t really spying so much as early for dinner. 😉
You are a brilliant writer and dangerous with a metaphor under your pen.
Really enjoy your writing. As a reader, I feel like I’m watching out the water-streaked car window, too. Something about it raining made this more powerful. Quite a moment, for both your husband and son and you.
I look forward to sharing these types of moments with my sons and daughter, if I don’t completely snap before we get to that point.
Thanks for sharing and I look forward to reading more.
This article relates to me on so many levels! My father and I have always had time to do man things and what not, but our favorite past time was golfing together. I’d be able to get my girl troubles off my chest, talk about the hottest car on the street, or sometimes just say how much he meant to me. Golf was a great bonding tool with my father growing up. He was able to find out more of who I was as a person. He taught me how to hit that ball like Tiger Woods. Unfortunately, we haven’t had the pleasure of hitting the links lately. One of my favorite memories was the time I saved up my money and purchased a fine Honduran cigar for each of us. We clipped our ends and roasted the fine tobacco with fresh Ohio Blue-tipped matches to preserve the flavor. His reaction to the cigar was everything I could have ever hoped for. He stopped and looked at me, then winked and smiled while taking a long, deep pull on his stogy. That moment made me feel like we truly connected on a man level. It felt as if my degree of masculinity was on a level pedestal with my father. The reason I say this is because my father is my definition of what a man should be. Through golf, I found out who I wanted to be like for the rest of my life.
As I tap out this response to you, it is November 29, 2010. It is 40 degrees outside, and my husband is golfing. If your story is what the future holds for my husband and my son, well, I guess all these years of being a golf widow will have been worth it. 😉
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