Back in elementary school, when we were essentially forced to make Valentine’s cards for each other, we never discussed love or compassion. We were taught that a good partner should intuitively know what would give the other person happiness.
We were definitely not instructed to ask for what we want.
Ideally, we are supposed to to put aside own egos and give what we know would bring our partners joy.
Even if we aren’t totally into it.
That kind of sacrifice is called love.
Compassionate love is hard to sustain.
But without it, relationships fail.
No doubt, cutting out construction paper valentines was fun, especially when paired with a cupcake and a nappy.
But it taught us the wrong message.
Store bought cards signed without any sentiment aren’t enough, even if paired with a handful of Hershey’s kisses.
If we really want to show someone that they are important to us, we need to think about what they want and be mindful to do so in a way that they will most appreciate.
What Are These Love Languages?
Chapman identifies the five primary ways that people show love:
- Words of Affirmation: You feel most cared for when your partner is open and expressive in telling you how wonderful they think you are and how much they appreciate you. Basically, you need people to remind you that their world is a better place because you are in it.
- Acts of Service:
If your partner offering to watch the kids so you can do what you’d like to do gets your heart racing, then this is your love language.
- Physical Touch:
If you like to hug, kiss and touch a lot, and/or if naked time with your partner makes you feel most loved, this is your primary love language.
- Quality Time:
This love language is about being together, fully present and engaged in the activity at hand, no matter how trivial.
If you feel most appreciated when your partner takes the time to buy you something you’d really like, this is your primary love language.
When I took Chapman’s test in the back of the book, I learned that my primary love language is “Physical Touch” followed by “Quality Time.”
Chapman asserts that we have to figure out what our partners really want based on their primary love language. When our unique needs are met, he asserts, it feels like “our love tanks” have been topped off; however, if our needs aren’t being satisfied, we will feel drained and experience health problems.
What am I doing this Valentine’s Day?
1) Treating myself to a pedicure. 2) Celebrating my son’s 16 & 1/2 birthday; and 3) Remaining hopeful that one day I’ll find someone who understands me… and my love language.
Which language is your love primary language? What about your partner? What would you most love to receive for Valentine’s Day? Are you willing to do something different this year in the name of love? I’d love to hear from you!
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