Tag Archives: @RASJacobson

The Girl Inside: Wordless Wednesday

Look at this girl. This girl loves full-length skirts and fearlessly twisted her long-sleeve shirt into a halter top. This girl raises her chin at a jaunty angle. This girl is sassy. This girl still lives inside me, and from time to time, she comes out to play.

longdressme

Look at that belly.

 

So who lives inside of you?

tweet me @rasjacobson

 

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Friday Dance Party: A Birthday Dance For Dad

For as long as I can remember, my father has sent me a birthday limerick. These poems are never naughty (because that would be creepy), but they definitely rhyme – and I always get a kick out of them.

My father’s birthday falls just a few weeks after mine.

This year I’ve decided I’m tired of giving him pajamas.

This year I’m feeling more creative.

So I’m giving him a dance.

(Not that kind of dance. That would be creepy.)

Let me explain.

Growing up, I remember my father singing two songs. The first is called “A Song of Safety.” Actually, I don’t know what the song is called. That’s just what I call it. Somebody must’ve created a public service announcement for children back in the day to make sure they weren’t crushed by cars. You know, “Always use the crosswalk and look from left to right” that kind of stuff. Because my father used to sing this wacky song me, I know all the words in the first stanza.  I don’t even know if there is a second stanza.

Anyhoo, I scoured the Internet in an effort to find this song, but absolutely nothing came up.

And we all know if it’s not on the Internet, it isn’t real.

The second song I remember my father singing to is the one I’m featuring today.

Screen Shot 2014-12-11 at 11.01.15 AM

Click on my nose to see me dance.

Happy B’day, Dad.

Hope you enjoy the song and my dance of appreciation and adoration.

And my big ole mane of hair.

What are some of your favorite birthday traditions? 

tweet me @rasjacobson

Do you BREATHE deeply?

It’s Monday again, and – like last week – I’m back to offer a new 4×4 mini-canvas and share a little anecdote.

One of the things I’ve become good at over the last 15 months is meditation. Seriously, I can sit quietly for a ridiculously long time. That’s not to say that my mind is always quiet, but sometimes I actually get to stillness. When I first started my meditation practice, I was instructed to take 3 deep breaths. I was all, “Whatever. How can this possibly help me?” So I inhaled and exhaled and inhaled and exhaled.

I was hardly in a Zen place.

My teacher put my hand on my stomach. “Breathe so your belly inflates like a balloon,” she said.

Apparently, I’d been breathing backwards all these years.

Once I mastered inhaling and exhaling, I was able to relax more fully.

BREATHE is a 4x4 mini-canvas featuring acrylic paint & texturizing medium. Just $20. Interested? Type SOLD in the comments or email me at rasjacobson.ny@gmail.com

BREATHE is a 4×4 mini-canvas featuring acrylic paint & texturizing medium. Just $20. Interested? Type SOLD in the comments or email me at rasjacobson.ny@gmail.com

Who would have thought it was possible to breathe wrong?!

So how do you begin a meditation practice? It’s easy.

1. Sit or lie comfortably.

2. Close your eyes.

3. Make no effort to control the breath; simply breathe naturally.

4. Focus your attention on the breath and on how the body moves with each inhalation and exhalation. Notice the movement of your body as you breathe. Observe your chest, shoulders, rib cage and belly. Make no effort to control your breath; simply focus your attention. If your mind wanders, simply return your focus back to your breath. Maintain this meditation practice for 2–3 minutes to start, and then try it for longer periods.

Sounds easy, right?

Mindful meditation encourages the practitioner to observe wandering thoughts as they drift through the mind. The intention is not to get involved with the thoughts or to judge them, but simply to be aware of each thought as it arises.

Through meditation, I’ve been able to see how my thoughts and feelings move in particular patterns. I have become more aware of the human tendency to quickly judge experience as “good” or “bad” (“pleasant” or “unpleasant”). With practice, an inner balance develops.

In our hurry-hurry-rush-rush world, we sometimes feel guilty when we aren’t doing something.

I’ve soooo over that. Some people pray and some people meditate. Sitting silently is one of the greatest gifts I give to myself each day.

I encourage each of you to try it. Go ahead. Do it right now. Sit quietly and feel the chair beneath you. Feel your feet pressing against the floor. How long can you sit quietly without opening your eyes?

It’s important to take a few moments each day to let go of stress and, to that end, I’m offering BREATHE today for $20.

Have you ever meditated? What was your experience like? What was the biggest surprise for you? What was the biggest frustration?

tweet me @rasjacobson

Anxious About #BlissDom? You’re Not Alone!

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In a few days, I’ll be attending BlissDom, a blogging conference in Grapevine, Texas.

I’m excited to network and meet some cyber-buddies, but I’d be lying if I didn’t admit to being nervous, too.

For weeks, I’ve read posts about what people are doing to prepare for this thing. Some bloggers wrote about how they plan to get to the conference early so they can have their nails done & have their hair cut and colored before the keynote on Thursday night.

{gulp.}

Some women posted pictures of what they plan to wear to the conference. Others mentioned they received sponsorships from clothing companies that not only paid for their tickets to the conference, but also gave them cute outfits to wear the entire weekend.

{gasp.}

I’ve read how about how important it is to pack properly for this conference. Apparently, I need earplugs and Band-Aids and duck tape and snacks and comfortable {yet stylish} shoes. And an iPad. And gifts for my roommates.

Holy moley, Spicolli.

I know y’all mean well, but y’all are making me want to hide at the pool, and I haven’t gotten on the plane yet!

For those of you who haven’t met me yet (and that would be everyone since this is my first blogging conference), I figured I’d come clean right now.

I will not be the girl with the make-up or the nails or the pretty outfits.

Coming from Rochester, New York, I live in a puffy, black sleeping bag coat between November and April. We all do. It’s a thing.

So I probably shouldn't wear this, huh?

So I probably shouldn’t wear this, huh?

Also, I operate under a probably misguided belief that I look adorable in jeans worn under a sundress.

With cowboy boots.

So I will probably be wearing something like this:

IMG_0886

This works, right?

Everyday.

I might also be wearing a hat.

On account of my crazy hair.

Here are some things I would appreciate if you would do when you see me at BlissDom:

  1. Check my teeth. I have this one area where food always gets caught. Friends generally tell me if there is something nasty up in there. Seriously, I will love you if you lean over and discreetly tell me my lunch is stuck in my grill.
  2. Dance with me.  I plan to tear it up on the dance floor. I don’t need any alcohol or drugs or anything to get out there. If you want my drink tickets me to love you forever, dance with me. Don’t say you need ten drinks first. Just come join. I promise I won’t make you stand on the bar. Probably.
  3. Ask me if I know where I’m going. I was not born with an innate sense of direction. When traveling alone, I am 100% dependent on Google Maps, which probably won’t help much inside the Gaylord Hotel. If you see a woman weeping in a corner, chances are I have to pee and I can’t find a bathroom. If you can just point me in the right direction, I’d be much obliged.

Help me on any of these fronts, and I’ll pretty much do anything for you.

I’ve got my business cards and my iPad.

This Yankee is packing her big girl panties and her cowboy boots.

I promise to bleach my mustache for you.

But I’m not getting a spray tan or micro-demabrasion or liposuction or Rejuviderm or Botox.

{Unless someone is offering to sponsor that. In which case I totally am.}

Get ready, BlissDom.

I’ll be the 45-year-old shaking her badonkadonk on the dance floor.

What are the most important things you have ever brought to conferences — writing or otherwise?

tweet me @rasjacobson

The Best Card My Son Received For His Bar Mitzvah: When Hilarious Meets Holy

A small sampling of the most popular cards Tech received for his bar mitzvah.

Apparently, there are 7 different store-bought cards a boy can receive for a bar mitzvah.

And don’t get me wrong; they are all lovely.

Friends and family wrote wonderful messages to Tech, who insisted on reading each note before looking at the gift.

After a while, we did start to keep a little tally to see which card would be designated the “most popular card to receive on your bar mitzvah day.”

This was the one.

Tech got a lot of those.

There were waaaay more cards for a girl celebrating her bat mitzvah.

Like this one.

Tech received this card from his grandmother.

I don’t think she was trying to be funny.

But it was extremely funny. *smiles*

Hands down, the best card, came from one of my husband’s oldest friends.

Neil is known for his kooky gifts. It’s his thing. He once gave Tech a sushi stapler; the child looked like he had won the lottery. Another time Neil had just returned from a trip overseas and gave our son a black baseball cap that had “Fukuoka” embroidered in white on the back. Wearing it, made Tech feel like he was getting away with swearing when really he was simply advertising a city in Japan located 1,100 kilometers from Tokyo. More recently, Neil brought us an enormous jar of Polish pickles.

So of course, it should have been no surprise when we saw Neil’s card.

Yup. He penned it on a rubber chicken.

It was awesome.

Especially this part:

In case you can’t read it, it says: “Butt seriously, pardon the fowl humor. Congratulations on your Bar Mitzvah.” Very punny, no?

When I told Neil how awesome it was that he took the time to find a rubber chicken, that he even had the idea to write on it, he waved his hand dismissively.

Like it was no big whoop.

Except it was.

He found a way to make Tech’s bar mitzvah – which was already amazing – even more memorable.

In Judaism, we are taught to be mindful and pay attention to the smallest details because G-d is everywhere and in everything.

Though Neil would shrug and call me meshugganah, I believe that in paying attention to the smallest details, Neil helped remind us even the most seemingly insignificant act can be something that connects us to G-d, to the rest of humanity, even the universe.

The chicken card was a small detail.

It was hilarious.

And holy.

I know Tech will never forget it.

None of us will.

What little things have people done for you that have stuck with you?

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Just Say No (Thank You): Bar Mitzvah Tales, Part 3

When replying to a formal event – where the hosts have sent you an actual printed invitation and provided you with a pre-stamped return envelope  — it’s proper etiquette to return that card with a yes or a no response, preferably by the date that is requested on the response card.

The whole point of providing reply cards is so that your host can receive a pretty accurate count as to how many guests will attend the event and begin to figure out table arrangements. It also helps us figure out how much booze to order and how many chickens and cows we’ll need to kill.

If people don’t send in their cardy-card-cards, your hosts are stalled in their planning.

Since we have just completed this stage of Tech’s bar mitzvah, it occurred to me that people are having trouble completing their response cards.

Never fear. I am here to help you.

It’s super easy if you plan to attend.

Here, let’s practice.

We’d love to attend.

(Check appropriate box. Stick envelope in the mail.)

And things are just as easy if you can’t attend.

Watch.

Sorry we can’t make it.

(Check appropriate box. Stick envelope in the mail.)

You can even write nothing at all.

(Just check appropriate box, and stick the freaking envelope in the effin’ mail.)

Getting people to return their reply cards is one thing, but I can’t tell you how — upon receiving a reply card — I’ve wanted to holler like Meatloaf: “Stop right there!”

For the life of me, I can’t understand the people who feel compelled to tell me more than I need to know.

But this is why I know that in lieu of celebrating with us:

  • 2 people will be on a fishing trip
  • 2 people will be attending a rock concert
  • 2 people will be catching up on an entire season of The Voice
  • 2 people will be at home because they “wouldn’t feel comfortable around so many Jews.”

I know, right?

Is your mouth hanging open?

If these fine folks had just stopped at “Sorry we can’t make it,” everything would be much less…

…uncomfortable.

At least we know where we rank with these people: somewhere below sea bass, Roger Waters, and a DVR filled with forgettable television singing performances.

Also, I learned that while a few Jews are acceptable, apparently, there is a tipping point.

(Still wrapping my brain around that one.)

In all seriousness, ‘tis the season of special occasions. If you are invited to a formal event, remember, the people who invited you, actually want you there, so don’t be a schmuck and make your hosts track you down and find out if you are coming.

People planning a big party know not every invited guest will be able to attend, so if you can’t make it, no worries. We understand. People make plans: often long-standing plans.

My son’s bar mitzvah falls on June 23rd, the first weekend where school is out for the summer in these parts. There are a zillion graduations. And weddings. And plenty of other conflicts. We know this.

If you know you can’t attend a party, just send the dang card back. Your hosts will be sad, but they will simultaneously love you for having such good manners.

But.

Think about the way you reply. Choose your words carefully.

Channel the minimalists who seemed to understand less is often more.

What is the most lame RSVP decline response you ever received?

What Happened To This Binder?

Today I am offering a highly personalized, handwritten card from me to THREE lucky winners!

Whaaaat?

It’s not like I over-ordered my 2012 New Year’s cards or anything.

Probably.

Seriously, y’all! This is a good prize! Three people are going to get to see what my whole family looks like… including the elusive Tech Support!

As always, there are strings attached.

Look at the picture below.

Your challenge –should you choose to accept it — is to:

Tell me in 50 words or lessWhat Happened to This Binder?

Seriously? What happened here?

Leave a fabulous comment in 50 words or less for a chance to win.

This one will NOT be determined by Random Number Generator. I will pick my THREE favorites, so write me a cool story. All blogoversary winners will be posted on June 2nd.

Time for me to sit back and relax and read your words!

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What the Deuce Does INDICULT Mean?

Cover of

Cover via Amazon

It’s the last Monday of the month, and you know what that means?

What do you mean you don’t know?

The last Monday of each Month is Made-It-Up Monday.

I throw out a 100% made-up word and ask you to:

  • define it
  • provide its part of speech, and
  • use the word in a sentence that indicates how the word could be used.

Why? Because it’s fun.

And because someone gave me the book The Meaning of Tingo and Other Extraordinary Words From Around the World.

Did you know that in Japan, the word “bakku-shan” means “the experience of seeing a woman who appears pretty from behind but not from the front”?

Somehow, I’m guessing that is not a real popular word with the ladies.

Anyway, I can’t find the right word on the word-shelf to fit my mood or predicament, I just make one up.

The last time we did this the word was HUFFALOFTUS.

Remember, the first person to use the word even remotely close to the way I do shall receive linky-love. And by that, I mean I will announce your identity in the next Made-It-Up Monday post next month and link up to your blog, so folks can head over and check out your stuff.

If you are not a blogger, don’t worry. If you guess the meaning, I will highlight your name in bold and let everyone know how smart you are. If you are looking for a new job, you can put “uncanny ability to define 100% bogus words” on your resumé and direct prospective employers here. I will totally back you up.

Our last winner got a whole spread, so I won’t redo.

Continuing alphabetically, this month’s word is: 

INDICULT

What the heck is that? Define it. And give me a sentence in which you show me how you would use it.

You know, if it were a real word. 😉

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SAVE FERRIS from Westley’s Awful Mustache in #MMM2

Look Who is Chillin' With Ferris & Cameron

Where have I been all day?

What do you mean?

I’ve been out having a fabulous day, that’s where I’ve been.

Just like Ferris would have wanted me to.

First, I went to Victoria’s Secret and tried on underwear.

It’s true.

Then I had an iced latte.

Then I danced for a while. Afterwards, I took a shower and gave myself a cool hairdo.

I looked a lot like this.

I did.

Seriously.

In case you haven’t heard, Ferris Bueller has made it to the Semi-Finals of Clay Morgan‘s March Movie Madness tournament.

Now Ferris needs your support (again) to make it to the finals of this Best Movie Protagonist competition.

Ferris is up against some stiff competition, namely Westley from The Princess Bride. I can hear you moaning now. Some of you are bound to love The Princess Bride. I know. It’s a great flick, but I have serious reasons as to why Westley needs to go down.

  • Westley has a mustache that looks like a third eyebrow.
  • Westley has a decidedly un-sexy ponytail.
  • Westley is “mostly dead” for much of the movie.

Seriously is this the kind of hero you want to come out on top? Don’t get me wrong, Westley has some witty lines, but I don’t think he is really an epic hero.

So why should you vote for Ferris Bueller?

  • Ferris is always alive during the entire movie. He is never even partially dead.
  • Ferris is always there for his friends and his love.
  • Ferris is never attacked by Rodents of Unusual Size. In fact, Ferris would have been able to charm the rodents and make them love him.
  • Ferris is able to do something to the time/space continuum so that he was able to do more than any one person could do in a single day. That’s because Ferris is magic.
  • Ferris does everything we wish we could have done but were too afraid to do — and he never gets caught.
  • And of course, there’s the whole joie de vivre/seize the day/live life to the fullest because you might not be here tomorrow thing.

So this is (almost) it.

Click over and SAVE FERRIS one more time. You have until noon EST Saturday to do it.

Should Ferris win the whole thing, I will sing a song with all the names of the people who helped bring me to that final victory. So if you’d like to hear your name in song… SAVE FERRIS.

Enjoy this clip my family helped me make to show you how much I am in it to win it.

On an unrelated note, what are you wearing right now?

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Vote Bueller for March Movie Madness 2.

I’m in an airplane.

Seriously.

I’m stuck on an airplane right now as Clay Morgan opens the polls for Day 4 of his Second Annual March Movie Madness Contest.

Cover of "Ferris Bueller's Day Off Buelle...

Cover via Amazon

I picked Ferris Bueller as the movie protagonist that I am prepared to fight for.

Because Ferris knows how to be a friend.

He knows how to sweet talk his parents, the lunch lady, and the school nurse.

He always has a Plan A and a Plan B and a Plan C.

Because he is smooth.

He knows how to work the system.

Everyone loves him.

Only Principal Rooney, Ferris’s nemesis, doesn’t appreciate the gifts that Ferris bestows to the world.

Even his sister, who claims to hate him, comes through for Ferris in the end.

So why does everyone love Ferris Bueller?

Because he is on a universal quest to have fun.

He takes risks: not dangerous ones.

He does the crazy, silly things we wish we might be brave enough to do.

It is that kind of ethos that will always triumph.

Sure, Ferris is a rich kid who has almost nothing to complain about.

And guess what? He doesn’t.

He helps his friends overcome their fears.

He shows them love.

And a good time.

He reminds us all to cherish every moment of every day.

And this is why you have to go over to Clay’s blog and vote for me Ferris right now!

The polls open at noon.

I don’t even know who Ferris is up against.

But VOTE FERRIS BUELLER!

Do it for the little, geeky rebellious part of you that aspires to do something a little naughty.

Like sing Danke Schoen in public.

On a float.

And say something nice to Clay while you are there!

Look at the brackets. Who do you think is going all the way? IYKWIM.

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