One year ago today, I swallowed my last dose of a medication that was prescribed to me by a doctor, a medication I believed was helping me with a “chemical imbalance.”
Almost immediately, I began to experience severe benzodiazepine withdrawal, a horrifying syndrome associated with stopping this class of medication. Nearly a year later, I still have symptoms, but my mind and body are definitely healing.
Over the last few months my creative muse has reappeared, pulling me away from writing, away from my busy mind, which likes to think and dwell and ruminate. These days, my muse wants me to paint, which is cool because when I paint, I can turn off my mind and have fun getting messy with color.
And for that I am grateful.
Truly, there are no words to express my gratitude to G-d for allowing me to find a creative outlet during this ordeal.
Perhaps even more amazing is the fact that folks like and are willing to pay for my work.
Since I was (and continue to be) too debilitated to hold down a traditional job, being able to earn money by doing something I love has been fantastic for my self-confidence.
It is with great joy that I share my most recent piece with you.
I completed ROAR this morning.
And it feels perfect.
Because I’m coming back to life.
It’s happening slowly.
And while I’m not quite ready to roar, I’m reconnecting with old friends and making new ones along the way, like Dorothy Gale did on her journey to Oz.
I’m healing old wounds and learning to forgive myself and others.
And I’m growing, learning to say: “I’m an artist,” the way I once said, “I’m a teacher” or “I ‘m a writer.”
It still feels strange, the way I imagine those ruby slippers felt to Dorothy when they magically appeared on her feet. This painting thing is shocking like that. I didn’t choose to become an artist; the images simply reveal themselves to me in dreams and visions and I do my best to realize them with paint.
And buttons. And ribbons. And texturizing medium. And other found items.
If you like what you see, follow me on my Facebook page, RASJacobson Originals. I post new work as it becomes available. These days, I’m doing things slowly and with great intention so I don’t become overwhelmed.
Thank you for continuing to stick with me as I heal.
What’s something you can do that no one (or very few people) know about? I wanna know!
tweet me @rasjacobson