Dear L’il Niece and Nephew:
As you may or may not know, I absolutely hate to shop, but this year I went out and actually found cool stuff for both of you! L’il Niece, I got you that unicorn that you wanted and Nephew I was almost able to get that cool guy that you love from that awesome YouTube video to come to your house, but instead I ended up getting you a unicorn, too.
They were having a buy one/get one thing, and I figured if your sister was going to have one, what’s one more unicorn in the barn? I mean, they eat rainbows, right? So it’s not like they cost very much or anything. Anyway, I was really psyched about having completed my holiday shopping early because not only was I done in time which we all know is rare (like unicorns), but I also knew I was mailing everything with plenty of time for everything to get there in time for all the festivities.
That was waaay back on December 9, 2011.
And then, right before Christmas, your mom called me and told me that neither unicorn had arrived.
I had a bad feeling because I didn’t insure anything this year.
Anyway, as K$sha would say, I’m pretty sure I’m on the family $hit list.
And I just wanted you all to know that I apologize.
I have learned my lesson.
In the future, presents will be sent in November and from here on out, everything will be insured.
And don’t worry, your gifts will get way more interesting.
I’m thinking packs of pencils or bags of rocks.
Anyway, I hope you all had a wonderful Christmas and a great New Year.
I love you both and hope you can forgive the United States Postal Service even though they really $uck.
Because I think we all know someone who probably deserved a lump of coal is totally loving those unicorns right now.
Any post office horror stories? Misery loves company.